Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Obama. Show all posts

Tuesday, 6 August 2013

A General, All Purpose, Omni-Directional, Jazz-Rant, Expressing My Dissatisfaction On a Number of Matters of Current Importance


Any idea, however brilliant, epoch making, or profound, has a half life, a period over which it becomes less relevant.

Any idea, however brilliant or epoch making, can become irrelevant over millennia or milliseconds, but so long as the arrow of time points forwards, the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics must be obeyed.

An idea may be brilliant, but ideas decay.

Or they evolve. Look at the Theory of Gravitation. Formulated by Sir Isaac Newton in 1687 in one equation and good for explaining 90% of the universe. It stood for 228 years, only to be superseded in 1915 by Albert Einstein's theory of gravitation, also summarised in a single equation, and good for explaining 99% of the known universe. One hopes that three centuries or so from now, we may have figured out 99.9% of the known universe. And quite a bit about the unknown as well.

Newer, more relevant information becomes available. What we take to be true today turns out to be nonsense tomorrow. Yet what remains entrenched in our psyche and our cultural identity can seem like a marvel. Some ideas are spellbinding. They seem to be doing most good, usually when doing most harm.

A couple of months ago I was watching something on television. I forget what it was, but the CEO of RBS was being interviewed. During the interview, he uttered the immortal line that I have heard repeated at regular intervals throughout my life:

Capitalism may not be perfect, but it's the best system we have.

I think Churchill made the phrase popular, but I've heard many politicians chant the mantra, especially Tony Blair.

It tells you a lot about capitalism, and about politics in general, because the phrase itself is a deceit on any number of levels. For a start, if something is imperfect, then by that very nature, it can be improved. The last two centuries of industrial and technological advance amply attest to that. It's kind of what capitalism is built upon. I have to upgrade my phone every two years, so why am I stuck with the same economic and political model that I was born with?

More than that though, it's a self-serving statement. I've seen a lot of TV reports from the slums of the world, but I don't remember a single one where a slum dweller sang the praises of capitalist ideology. Of course Blair, Churchill and the head of RBS think capitalism is great, all have done well from the system. It would be like being told a member of the Polit-Bureau thought Communism was the best system we have. I would be surprised if he didn't think that.

Beyond even that though, I just can't get my head around this notion that greed and the acquisition of wealth are what's best for society. Society is supposed to be an aggregation of people, an attempt to accommodate everyone's needs as best we can. How is that meant to be achieved when everyone is fighting everyone else for scraps? Competition tends to kill co-operation dead.

If I think back, these kinds of ideas have always been fermenting at the back of my mind. As kids, mum would take us to church, which wasn't especially puritanical, but they would say things that jarred in my head. I tend to obsess over things and the concept of hell blew my mind, not because of its horror, but because I couldn't see how such a place could exist and fulfil its primary purpose. Even then I understood the subjective nature of pain and I couldn't understand how it would be possible to keep someone in torment forever. Didn't all sensations become commonplace after a time, even pain?

It's what I would later come to realise was called a logical fallacy. By the time I'd turned teenager, I had ascribed heaven and hell to the same origin as Santa Claus. God and the rest of religion soon followed.

Yet imaginary or not, heaven and hell were intangible, invisible places. It was the tangible world that was more confusing to me. I heard about the EU wine lake and the butter mountain and then I saw the pictures from the famine in Ethiopia and couldn't understand why we didn't just give them the food they needed. Didn't we have enough to go around? Wasn't it just going off in a warehouse somewhere? Weren't we supposed to be the good guys?

If you grew up in the 80s, that was the line you were always being fed. We were the good guys; we who saw off Hitler single-handed, we who kept Europe from becoming rife with Communism. Communism, that was a terrorist octopus (no, they really called it that), spawned in Moscow, its tentacles everywhere.

Then I grew up and came to hear about Guatemala and Chile and Brazil and Argentina and El Salvador and East Timor and Vietnam and Cambodia and Laos and Iran and Iraq and the First World War and the Philippines and the Kurds and the Opium Wars and the Slave Trade and the eradication of the Native Americans and the Highland Clearances and the Harrying of the North and on and on, back beyond recorded time, and this was how good guys behaved.

I also heard about the twenty million dead Russians soldiers, how the Russians had lost more troops in the Battle of Stalingrad than the British and Americans lost during the entire war. How the Russians had defeated three quarters of the German Army singlehanded and might had marched on beyond Berlin if not for America's two shows of force at Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Over time I stopped differentiating between this conflict or that, with their wide-ranging, but always dissembling reasons. Instead, I reduced them to a series of punishment beatings visited upon the poor, whether they be British Tommies or British Miners or Liverpool Dockers or Laotian Peasants. I was reminded the other day that the pre-industrial country of Laos had more tonnage of munitions dropped upon it by the USA between 1964 and 1973 than was dropped during the whole of World War Two. The cluster bomb was first tested on Laotian peasants (as napalm had been tested on French peasants at the end of World War Two). It remains littered with more unexploded munitions that any other country.

When asked why the north of Laos was being bombed, which had nothing to do with what was happening in Vietnam or Cambodia, one official let slip that there was a lessening of hostilities in North Vietnam, the air force had a load of B52s sitting around doing nothing, so why not give them something to do? Empty our silos of the old stock and send the bill for the next consignment to the folks back home. And the only people that get hurt are some peasants, who don't count for very much in a culture built around wealth and worthiness.

"Many men of course became extremely rich, but this was perfectly natural and nothing to be ashamed of because no one was really poor - at least no one worth speaking of." The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Of course, America's economy is practically built upon its arms industry. Selling weapons to the British during the Second World War was the main event that finally brought America out of the Great Depression that followed the 1929 Wall Street Crash. With the onset of the Cold War, most US research and development money went into applications of war, unlike, say, Japan, which was banned from having a military force, and so put all its R & D money into home applications. Japan ended up with Sony: America got Lockheed Martin.

Some ideas are spellbinding. I have friends who were barely alive when the Berlin Wall fell and yet the American military budget is now larger than ever. Shouldn't we have disarmed by now? Or at least re-aimed our missiles at the stars?

No. Instead we invent a new enemy that must be battled, so as to justify the ever expanding defence budget. The Evil Empire, as Chomsky so aptly named it, the Emmanuel Goldstein of Nineteen Eighty-Four, the scapegoat on to which we pour all of our hatred, to ensure that it is never focused on anyone or anything actually responsible for the current state of our society.

Islam it had to be. After the fall of the Soviet Union, Islam was the only game left in town big enough to scare the American public. The conceit, for the most part, has been about as accurate as it was during the Cold War. Most of Russia's alleged terrorist activities were black propaganda inventions of the C.I.A. Equally, the name Al Qaeda was largely an invention of the F.B.I. following the US embassy bombings in Nairobi and Dari Salaam in 1998. An attempt to create the image of a global Islamic terrorist network bent on destroying the west, despite the so-called Al Qaeda network at the time consisting of as little as twelve people. The name Al Qaeda was only used by Osama Bin Laden following the 9/11 attacks.

Yet as soon as the Soviet Union fell, the west's focus turned to the Middle East. From one Iraq War to another, through insinuations about the Oklahoma bomber, to the artificially inflated significance of the 1994 World Trade Centre bombing, to the threats and insinuations against Afghanistan, which might actually have led to the 9/11 attacks being launched as pre-emptive strike (a date for the US invasion of Afghanistan was announced and reported upon in May 2001). A self fulfilling prophecy, if ever there was one.

If you look at the west's involvement in wars throughout the 1990s, they can mostly be linked to attempts to prevent the curtailing of America's military budget. The first Gulf War, indeed Iraq's invasion of Kuwait irself, could have easily been prevented with a little diplomacy. Likewise, the bombing of Serbia had little to do with ending the ethnic cleansing in Kosovo. In fact, it triggered the vast majority of the violence against Muslims in retaliation for the aerial bombardment, exactly as the evidence indicated would happen at the time.  Every time the questions, Do we need so large a military?, Is N.A.T.O. really relevant in a post Cold War environment? were being asked, boom, another war breaks out.

With the 9/11 attacks, the US has been able to throw off its childish attempts to set itself up as a World Policeman, because now its military has carte blanche to spend however much of the gross national product on however many weapons it takes to destroy the people who want to destroy its 'way of life'.

Except, now that enemy is whoever we say it is. In Pakistan, in Afghanistan, the drones are taking down anyone of military age, ensuring the next generation of Jihadi fighters, ensuring the growth of western military and defence sectors for generations to come.

And so you get what we had in Woolwich. Which is the way they want it. Don't you think that if we were really serious about defeating fundamentalist Islamic terrorism, we'd have done all we could to play down the horrific events in Woolwich? Wouldn't we describe those two men as insane, like the media did when a British woman was beheaded in Tenerife earlier in the year? Or just not report it all, like weeks before, when a Muslim man was stabbed to death on the street by a racist gang in Birmingham? Wouldn't we do all we could to stress that those two man do not represent Islam, rather than focusing heavily on the fact of their religion, so as to avoid dealing with any political point they might have been making? Wouldn't we want to understand every facet of this barbaric act, to ensure that it never happens to anyone ever again?

Yet this doesn't fit our current narrative of scary Muslims, so we fall back on lazy stereotypes, which require no original thought. Clearly, hacking someone to death on the street in so causal a manner is the act of someone with mental health problems, whatever their stated cause. I mean, how many abortion doctors have been killed by fundamentalist Christians? These aren't labelled terrorist attacks. They're called what they are, extremist misunderstandings of vague and ancient texts. It doesn't mean Christians should be expected to apologise for the actions of a few random dickheads. Neither should Muslims.

Nor can we be entirely surprised that events like this happen. The national reaction actually said a lot about our collective sense of guilt. Scapegoats were called scapegoats, because they used to be exactly that: goats that people touched with their hands, in order to transfer the guilt of the person to the animal. A entire drove of goats would be used, sometimes slaughtered, sometimes released into the wild, depending on the local tradition. However, this idea of animals or individuals personifying the sins of society is as old as civilisation itself.

We blame Muslims and it absolves us of our guilt for twelve years of apathy towards the occupation of Afghanistan; our failure to bring anyone to account for the invasion of Iraq (the findings of the Iraq Inquiry will almost certainly not be published during the lifetime of this parliament); our grief at the number of our young men that have come home dead or disabled (and for what gain?); our shame at the thousands of lives that have been destroyed around the world; but most of all, it is our fear. Fear at the retaliation that awaits us. Fear that all of this death and destruction will have to be answered for someday. I may not believe in God, but I do believe in Karma. After all, Karma is nothing but a restating of the 2nd Law of Thermodynamics. Entropy increases, things even themselves out over the course of a season.

We evolve or we decay. Our economy is built upon industries that are toxic to modern society: oil, arms, banking and the like. Each has its tendrils deep in the minds of governments around the world and yet each is an anachronism, a throwback to a previous age, like the appendix or that ridge at the roof of your mouth that your reptilian ancestors used as a sensory pit. We have Google, Amazon and Starbucks to contend with now, so why are BAe, BP and Barclays still calling the shots?

To borrow from an astrophysics analogy, the only difference between the old Communist east and the Capitalist west is that the west is larger and so has other resources to draw upon, to stay-off its imminent collapse, but collapse it must. The east imploded, crushed by the differences in pressure between the image Russia portrayed of itself, and the reality of its situation. The west will go the same way, only with a bang, like another Rome falling. We seem to be ignoring this with the same casual regard that we ignore the evidence that global warming is occurring. I mean, we admit that it is probably happening, but no one seems to be doing very much about it. In both cases the signs are becoming less and less ignorable, yet day by day we do nothing. After 500 years of unfettered growth, the sun is finally beginning to set on the west. China, India and Brazil are where the future lie. These are the places where evolution is taking place. All thanks to the western expansion of globalisation. Thanks. And, you're fired.

Welcome to your capitalist utopia. Please brace for impact.

Even that they're calling it Capitalism again should be an indication of how bold they've become. There was a time, about twenty years ago, when the word capitalism was rarely heard. It was a dirty word. Then it got a rebrand: Consumerism. See, 'capitalism' suggests toffs in dinner jackets, top hats and bulging stomachs, lighting cigars off of £50 notes. Whereas, 'consumerism' focuses the mind back on sleepy shoppers shuffling around Tesco. Capitalists are heartless bastards, but consumers are lovely. What's more, the customer is always right. And if the customer is always right, then by extension, capitalism must always be right.

With political language, you should always be mindful of where your attention is being drawn and where it's being directed away from.

It's the same when we portray our soldiers as heroes. Now, I don't have anything against the military really. In an ideal world we wouldn't need an army, but we don't live in an ideal world, so an armed presence is sometimes required. I exist because my parents met on a naval base, so I've also seen how the country treats its heroes, once they've served their useful purpose. Bit of a pension and that's your lot. Don't even get special dispensation when you're long term unemployed. My mum was working, so he lost his benefit, died some months later. This is what you get for defending your country. Sorry, I may be a little bitter about the whole thing.

Wars are unpopular, especially the ones Britain has become embroiled in since the millennium, so we borrow from Capitalism's trick and shift focus. Rebrand. War is bad, but soldiers are heroes, fit young men in uniforms, defending our country from terror, even as they are invading someone else's country. A bit of sleight of hand and, Abracadabra, we pull attention away from the actual event, the invasion of a sovereign state (described in the Nuremburg Laws as the supreme international crime), and no one ever has to take responsibility for anything. At least, no one worth speaking of.

None of us like going to war, but you like soldiers don't you? You support our troops don't you? You are patriotic, aren't you?

I'm fairly indifferent to the country in which I live, as you'll know if you've read my essay on PJ Harvey. And while I'm not indifferent to the plight of British soldiers, the truth is that I don't see why they deserve my special attention over any other group that serves interests outside of mine. I don't want them being hacked down in the street, but neither do I want that for Muslims, doctors, or gay men either. Society is an aggregation of people, an aggregation of types, fitting within the agreed boundaries of society. Boundaries that change, as the evolution of our understanding leads us to expand the boundaries of what our society will allow. It fails when it blames one of us for the sins of us all, whether they be soldiers, Muslims, immigrants or the disabled. And if it fails one of us, it fails us all.

We should be very careful about the language that we use. I don't like the word hero, because it suggests a perfect state, which doesn't require any input from us. Heroes don't need help. I've met a few squaddies and some were sound and some were pricks, most were ok. I don't support the actions they are asked to carry out, but I don't blame them for them either. They're following orders and I just assume that the vast majority of serving personnel act, believing that their orders are given to them in good faith. So I prefer to think of them as victims of the same lies and distortions of which we are all victims. All to keep alive an economic model forged in the death throes of the Second World War.

'So our young men hit with guns in the dirt, and in the dark places'  (as PJ Harvey so hauntingly sings it), let us treat them better than heaping meaningless plaudits onto them, which make us feel better, but do nothing for them. If we instead thought of them as victims of the same global forces that swirl around us all, we might start to treat them a little better and, moreover, come to a better understanding about the people representing the Evil Empire of the moment. We might forge some kind of peace through negotiation and empathy and understanding for a change, instead of more boom, boom, boom. And in doing so, finally defeat our one true common enemy: the person pointing out all our enemies.

In the Victorian Age, the richest men built schools and hospitals and the country grew as a result. Today the same sections of the community are building PFI hospitals and prisons and pocketing the change. Instead of building people up, we've realised we've lifted them up far too far and are now trying to knock them back down again. In these days of Disaster Capitalism, making people miserable is the key, because profit can be made from human misery. Human misery is the great untapped well. Have you ever seen a list of the companies that Dick Cheney is involved with? It's a litany to human suffering, all monetised and extracted for most profit. America has the largest prison population in history, the bottom strata of American society having been criminalised and locked away, making cheap goods, in conditions fairly indistinguishable from slavery.

Shouldn't the best system that we know of be able to do a little better than this? Wouldn't our best system, having once abolished slavery, feel no need to reinvent it? Hasn't something gone terribly, terribly wrong?

Ultimately I hate the idea that capitalism is the best system we have because it's a statement of ownership. A message to ordinary people to say, we own you, and don't you ever do anything to try and change that, 'cause that shit's written in stone.

Mostly what it makes me want to do is try and change the system to a fairer and more equitable one: More like the one we were promised, once we got rid of the commies.

Isn't it time for some better ideas?

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"It's a round world, last time I checked." Bill Hicks

Saturday, 23 October 2010

4th Epistle to the Foxnewsians

Dear Foxnewsians,

¡Hola! How the hell are you? You know, I was watching your network the other day (from behind bullet proof glass, inside a radiation suit, it really is the only way to avoid being burnt by the contents of Bill O’Reilly’s bile duct) and it occurred to me, we haven’t spoken in ages. Did you have a good Christmas? I did. My cousins gave me a great book called, ‘Lies, Damned Lies and History’ by Graeme Donald and I spent most of Christmas Day reading it obsessively. I learned a lot.

For example, did you know that the Pilgrim Fathers were communists? It’s true. The first thing that the Plymouth Brethren did when they arrived in Cape Cod (not Plymouth Rock, that element of your creation myth was added later) was to sign a communist compact. Everyone worked the land, throwing their contribution into a common pool to be divided equally between all. However, the single men objected that those with families in the colony were receiving a greater share for working the same amount, and so the compact was dissolved. With that one act of selfishness, the ‘United States’ were truly born (humour).

But then most of history, as Henry Ford never said, is bunk. The commencement of the American Civil War had nothing to do with slavery, the war had been raging for eighteen months before Lincoln even mentioned it. Christopher Columbus never went to North America, let alone discover the continent. And aside from the book of Exodus, there is nothing to suggest that a large group of Israelites were ever even in Egypt, never mind slaves. Egyptian records from the time make no mention of them and despite half of the country being subject to archaeological digs in the last century and a half, no evidence of their presence has ever been found. This despite Exodus stating that Moses freed 600,000 slaves from a country whose entire population at the time was only between three and four million.

Oh, and the first Thanksgiving Feast that was ever celebrated on what is now American soil took place in Florida, by the Spanish, fifty years before the Pilgrims arrived. A feast of this kind was traditional in those days after a long sea journey, though the first Pilgrim Thanksgiving didn’t take place until after the second year of their reaching land. Even then, there were twice as many Native Americans present as Pilgrims, half the colony having perished during the previous winter. It seems curious to me that the major holiday in your calendar is to celebrate the Pilgrims as the progenitors of your country. The Pilgrim colony survived barely a decade, its entire population either dying, returning to England or being absorbed by other colonies, like Jamestown. Jamestown, a violent, lawless colony of slave traders, that is where America truly begins. To commemorate the Pilgrims as your forefathers is as ridiculous as celebrating Neanderthals as the ancestors of man. But like I said, history is bunk, and most holidays that celebrate historical events the world over are based on myth and exaggeration.

There is also a curious piece of historical misapprehension and arrogance that you see repeated in internet forums and youtube comment boxes wherever Americans get into heated debate with Brits. We’ve all heard the conjecture: If it wasn’t for us, you’d all be speaking German. My response to this statement follows in six parts:

  1. English is a modern form of Anglish or Anglo Saxon, a language spoken by the Angles, Saxons and Jutes, economic migrants who settled in this land from the 5th century AD and gave birth to the country of England. I already speak German. Moreover, large sections of the American population count themselves as of White Anglo Saxon Protestant descent, people who not only speak German but who are directly descended from Germans and follow a faith which has its origins with a German priest nailing a piece of paper to the door of a German church. You already speak German and more besides.
  2. Have you ever been to Britain? While most of the rest of Europe is bilingual, trilingual, even, in the case of the Dutch, quadrilingual, the British speak one language, barely. Which is weird, don’t you think? English has absorbed loanwords from most other languages, swelling its vocabulary to over a million words, you would think French, German etc. would be a piece of piss for us to learn and yet we wander the towns and cities of the continent shouting, “SAUSAGE, EGG AND CHIPS” at baffled Europeans, as if talking slowly and loudly will make them understand. Even when we do remember some key phrase like, “Ou est la supermarche?” it is usually said in an accent so broad and guttural that even native English speakers struggle to comprehend it (I once went travelling in Europe with a Lancashire lass whose accent was so broad that I had to translate everything she said into English for the benefit of the Americans and Canadians we met along the way). Trust me, if the Nazis ever had succeeded in invading Britain, sarcasm, parochialism and an obstinate refusal to learn anything new would soon have sent them scurrying back across the English Channel in sheer frustration. I am not patriotic in the slightest (it’s the last refuge of the scoundrel don’t you know!), but belligerence and an instinctive gift for irony are two inherently British traits of which I am immensely gratified to be armed with. It’s the reason why five minutes of the best British sitcoms are funnier than entire seasons of American comedy. While fascism and totalitarianism are undesirable in every day society, in art they are absolutely essential. Comedy is not something that can be decided by committee.
  3. Despite being under German occupation for a number of years, I am not aware of the general population of France ever being required to speak German. Actually, as an aside, the portrayal of the French as, “Cheese eating surrender monkeys.” always makes me seethe with rage, especially when I hear it said by people whom I otherwise respect. Again, maybe it’s a flaw in my autodidactic education that I have read an inordinate amount of fiction and non-fiction from that period and so find this attitude incongruous with reality. From the outset of the war, large sections of the French population, men and women alike, did take up arms to bravely fight the invading German army, even after the French government had negotiated its surrender (see Jean Paul-Satre’s ‘Roads to Freedom’ trilogy for a fictionalised account of this period). The notion that we judge and ascribe entire nations with the characteristics of their governments is a baffling concept. By this measure, all Americans are international terrorists and all Britains are their obedient lapdogs. And by this measure it is we who are the cheese eating surrender monkeys, while you, as one British comedian brilliantly framed it, are burger eating invasion monkeys. Do we really think for an instant that the British government would have behaved any differently when faced with a German invasion? Most of the ruling classes at the time were pro Nazi anyway, seeing communism as a disease of Jewish origin. The king’s consort at the time, mother to our present queen, sent the then British Foreign Secretary a copy of ‘Mein Kampf’, urging him to read it and take note of Hitler’s obvious sincerity. No, if it had have happened, events would have progressed in much the same way that they did in France. While the majority of the French population neither resisted nor collaborated with the Nazis, the French Resistance (ever hear of it?) was so extensive that over a million of its members took part in the VE Day celebrations in Paris in 1945.
  4. America’s entry into the European field of conflict was largely irrelevant. All you really did was drag the Japanese in with you (and there is extensive evidence to suggest that this is exactly what you did!), complicating the situation no end. Much conjecture and speculation is posited as to why the island of Britain avoided invasion by the German army, but it mostly comes down to the same quality that decides all wars: Luck. You see, The Battle of Britain, the fight for air supremacy that was fought over Britain in 1940, was a disaster. It is estimated that if the battle had continued for two more weeks, the Royal Air Force would have been totally wiped out and Operation Sealion, the codename for the invasion of Britain, would have begun. In the meantime however, British planes had started bombing German cities and their civilian populations, and this irked the Germans so much that they broke off from the Battle of Britain and retaliated by bombing our cities. It turned the war for the first time in our favour and while some may argue that this was a brilliant strategic move, it mostly comes back to luck. Given that America didn’t turn up until the following year, the claim that you are responsible for saving us from invasion and defeat is ludicrous. Besides, the country most directly responsible for the defeat of Hitler is Russia. Three quarters of all German infantry divisions were defeated by the Russian Army at a personal cost to them of twenty million dead. I don’t think that this historical statistic is repeated often enough, even if Russian tactics (i.e. the rape and murder of East German civilians) were largely indistinguishable from that of the Nazis.
  5. After the Holocaust, which is obviously a unique event in history, the single most despicable act committed during the Second World War was the dropping of the atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. The war with Japan had been over for a long time by this point. The war was a disaster for the Japanese and they had in fact been considering surrender from as early as 1943. Terms had already been offered to your government before the bombs were dropped. The majority of your generals were in agreement on this point and they saw no point in making use of this new, terrifying weapon. It was an act conceived and perpetrated by civilians and the administration of Harry S. Truman. They were dropped partly out of revenge for Pearl Harbour, partly out of bloodlust and partly to scare the Russians. There is an argument that while hundreds of thousands died in those two nuclear blasts, they saved the lives of millions by stopping the Russians in their tracks and preventing post-war Europe from descending into a free-for-all. Personally, I don’t believe that, but whatever the reasoning, the act of bombing one enemy to impress another, by any definition you chose to employ, that is an act of terrorism, a fact I remind people of whenever they cite 9/11 as the largest terrorist act ever perpetrated. The largest terrorist act ever perpetrated against America, yes, but while the events of that day are obviously despicable (as are all such events), compared to your country’s own atrocious acts since 1945, it is like spitting into the Hudson. And yes, I understand the argument that goes, the Nazis and Japanese were evil, which justifies anything the allies did, but since when was judging yourself by other people’s standards a justifiable way to behave? He who fights dragons too long becomes a dragon himself.
  6. If you saved us from the Nazis, who will save us from you? More specifically, who will save us as America’s sphere of influence slowly declines and it adopts its new role as Sparta to China’s Rome?

Do you see? It is a bullshit statement, as are 99% of all such statements expounded on the internet.

To finish, I present to you my reworking of the classic Monty Python sketch, ‘What have the Romans ever done for us?’. I call it, ‘I Just Love My Country So Much (or Variations on a Theme of Python)’:

SCENE: Inside the Fox Newsroom, Glen Beck is over emotional (yet again).

Glen (teary eyed from the onion juice liberally sprinkled in his palm): I’m sorry, it just upsets me that we’re losing our identity, losing the country that we grew up in. I can’t help it, I just love my country so much.

Rosa Parks: Even Obama?

Glen: Well of course not Obama.

Seymour Hersh: What about Noam Chomsky?

Sean Hannity: Oh God, yes, Glen, Chomsky’s an un-American traitor.

Glen: All right, I’ll grant you Obama and Chomsky are two Americans I don’t like.

Howard Zinn: And the Democrats.

Glen: Well obviously the Democrats, the Democrats go without saying. But apart from Obama, Chomsky and the Democrats...

John Steinbeck: The poor.

Michael Moore: People without health insurance.

Malcolm X: Muslims.

Bill Hicks: Drug users.

Pancho Villa: Illegal immigrants.

Glen: Yes, alright, fair enough.

Harry Hay: Gays

All: Oh yes.

O’Reilly: Yeah, they certainly need to be thrown in jail.

Leonard Peltier: What about Convicts?

Hannity: Yeah, don’t forget the convicts Glen. We’ve got the largest convict population in the world. Largest convict population in history thanks to the three strikes system (much laughter).

Glen: All right, all right, but apart from Obama, Chomsky, the Democrats, the poor, people without health insurance, Muslims, drug users, illegal immigrants, gays and convicts, I love my country.

Amused, Manchester: What about Karl Rove?

Glen (angrily): How dare you! Don’t you dare criticize a hair on his pretty fat head, you are talking about the man I love!

(uncomfortable silence)

Glen: We’ll be right back after these messages.

SCENE

You shall hear from me anon.

Amused, Manchester.

This Epistle is dedicated to the memory of Howard Zinn, 1922-2010


And Another Thing... Notes on an Election

Douglas Adams once observed that the job of a president is "not to wield power, but to draw attention away from it." He was talking about a Galactic President (this was in ‘The Hitch Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ after all), but it seems obvious to which office he was referring. The role of President of the USA is largely symbolic, anyone who has ever watched ‘Yes Minister’ or read ‘Nineteen Eighty-Four’ will take note of the sobriquet, ‘Most powerful man in the world’ and instantly recognise how much power that role really carries. As Sir Humphrey Appleby reminds us, always dispense with the tricky part in the title.

Noam Chomsky compares the President to the British Queen. Each year, he observes, the Queen attends the state opening of parliament and makes a speech, outling her government’s legislative program for the coming year. However, no one asks if she agrees with, or even understands, what she is reading. The ritual is merely the remnant of an antiquated political system, long in need of reform.

Now, laughable as it is to describe as democratic a system in which two of the three legislative branches are unelected, the British system does hold an advantage over its American counterpart. The Queen may annually serve as mouth piece to the government of the day, but at least it can be said that the people who compose that speech are, for the most part, elected representatives. Inversely, most US campaigns are bank rolled by rich, powerful men, who then take up key positions in the incumbent administration and dictate policy. The President, as the only elected official in the White House, serves as Town Crier, dressed in the uniform of a higher office to lend him a false air of authority. At no other time in the modern era has this been more true than during the preceding eight years.

Of course even a Town Crier requires basic motor skills, like the ability to read aloud while simultaneously ringing a bell. Even this, it seems, was beyond the skill base of George W Bush, as his bumbling cowboy stance shuffled from one unmitigated disaster to the next, committing so many crimes against the English language in the process that, like the results from an astronomical satellite, satirists will be pouring over the data for decades to come. But then a transmitter is only as good as the programming it broadcasts and in this regard Bush has been done no favours. Neo-conservatism (a neologism which attempts to mask avarice with ideology) would be terrifying if its proponents weren’t so incompetent. Iraq, Guantamo, Katrina, the failure to catch (or even, it would seem, attempt to catch) Bin Laden, global warming, the doubling of the national debt, and the sub-prime lending meltdown, it is hard to maintain a belief in conspiracy when the conspirators are so shambolic. The Dubya Years would have been hysterical, if only so many people hadn’t died as a result of them.

Yet if ‘President of the United States of America’ is largely an affectation, it can still serve as an important symbol in a country as dependent on symbolism as the U.S undoubtedly is. Flags, anthems and triumphalism are substitutes for any real political will, yet the cult of personality the President instils did take that nation to the Moon. It also took it to Vietnam, and Chile, and El Salvador, and Iraq, twice, to name but a handful. Internationally, the President’s election is seen as a barometer to America’s current direction. When Bush was re-elected in 2004, the Daily Mirror asked, ‘How can 59,054,087 people be so dumb?’, and America’s standing on the world stage plummeted. Barack Obama’s election has prompted almost universal jubilation around the world, as much a damming indictment on the policies of the last decade as it is a celebration of the first African-American President. Indeed, the world should take hope not from whom Americans have elected their Commander in Chief, but from their final (and, one hopes, ultimate), rejection of the neo-conservative, pseudo-fascist, consensus.

I was a jubilant as everyone else the night Obama was elected, but I know my political history and remain sceptical. I remember the euphoria we all felt upon Nelson Mandela’s release from Robben Island in 1990 and his election to President of South Africa four years later. I also remember the Structural Adjustment Policies that the World Bank and IMF imposed upon that country in return for granting loans to the ANC. Utilities were privatised and prices hiked, leaving basic amenities beyond the reach of the average poor South African. Like all revolutions (cf. American, French, Russian et al.), the top two tiers of power switched places, while little changed for the majority. And yes, I remember the words of Ghandi (or at least Ben Kingsley), that it better to be governed badly by your own people then governed well by a foreign power. Yet as bad as apartheid was, at least people could afford water.

Still, I am moderately optimistic regarding Obama’s Presidency. This isn’t 1997, when I can remember seeing Tony Blair on the news and having a moment of awareness that he was to become Prime Minster of Britain. In that instant, I realised the country was in deep trouble. With his every breath, Bliar managed to exceed even my low expectations.

I don’t expect America’s hypocrisy regarding Israel’s behaviour will change, it will continue to receive billions of dollars in military aid, and the blockade of Gaza will continue. Hundreds, thousands will die, but then 500,000 Iraqi children under the age five died during Bill Clinton’s Presidency and Madeline Albright, the woman who declared those deaths a worthwhile price for peace, is currently a national security adviser to the President Elect. Similar support will also continue for Egypt and Saudi Arabia, those twin bastions of freedom and democracy. Yet we will certainly see Guantanamo closed and the prisoners there released, or sent for trial in a recognised court on the mainland. One of the darkest chapters in American history will end on that day. We should also see US troops leave Iraq, universal healthcare, one of the pre-requisites of even a dysfunctional democracy, pushed to the fore, and conservation and global warming finally becoming federal issues.

In the words of Churchill, "We may allow ourselves a brief period of rejoicing; but let us not forget for a moment the toil and efforts that lie ahead." This presidency will not be significantly better than any other, no parity will be established between the myriad minorities that make up the United States. Yet Obama’s relative inexperience, touted as his greatest weakness, will prove his greatest strength. He is less mired in the bureaucracy and corruption of Washington and more likely to push forward with his own agenda without being brainwashed into subsidising corporations with money fleeced from the very poorest.

So in summary, I am hopeful, which makes Obama unique amongst politicians in that he is the first in living memory not to fill me with contempt. That said, I end this article with the words of one of Obama’s predecessors, Thomas Jefferson: "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." There is hope here, but let’s try to maintain a sense of perspective.