Yesterday’s post was pretty much phoned in. Today, here's why.
Meta
At the moment I’m a bit mentally
drained. Trying to maintain a blog of proper, actual articles every day, as
well as think about the bread and butter work that I should be getting on with
was bound to wear me down sooner or later. It only took 75 days.
It also probably doesn’t help
that I have essentially not left the village in which I live since I returned
here in July last year, except for three or visits to friends and spending
Christmas at my brother’s. If it weren’t for shouting “No!” at the cat, I’d probably
feel no need to speak at all.
We all get a little drained
sometimes. Back in my prime, when I practiced Kung Fu and actually exercised, I
used to do a series of breathing and stretching exercises a bit like Yoga. I
still do them, when I remember. The six basic exercises came out of a book that
had been my friend’s dad’s. The book noted that you will know if you are doing
the exercises properly, because after six weeks or so of repeating them every
day, you should go through a period of feeling extremely drained and tired. The
book stressed that it was important to push through this and, after a week or
so, the tiredness would dissipate to be replaced with a fresh new vigour.
Perhaps a certain lethargy is
accompanied when any routine is established. I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been
one for routines, although I appreciate that I probably need a routine to
progress. I’m not the kind of person that can dip into things now and then or a
few times a week. If I want to do something well, I have to do it every day.
The upshot of having moved so many times during my childhood is that I take to
new routines quickly. You have to when you’re integrating into yet another new
school, navigating between the latest set of playground cliques. The
disadvantage is that I can break out of routine just as quickly. When I’m
working, I can get up on time and usually get to bed at a reasonable hour. When
I don’t work, I can be going to bed at anything between midday and midnight.
It’s like a feedback loop. I
have kept up the daily posts now for nearly three months and at this point it
has become an obligation. I hate obligations. My mind doesn’t like anything to
be expected of it, it rebels against expectations (ask any ex-girlfriend). So
the feedback of white noise can only get louder in my head as the year
progresses.
That said, getting down to
actually writing something, even something as meta as this article (an article
about writing articles), helps to relieve the pressure on the inside of my
skull for another day. The other cause of the feedback loop is when I start to
overthink things. As soon as I start over analysing, the brain goes into
overdrive, I should be writing, I should be writing, why aren’t I writing? The
longer this goes on, the more the white noise screams and the mental tiredness
and internal panic start to take over and the less capable I feel of writing.
The antidote to this inner maelstrom,
I think, is to establish a routine of knowing before I go to bed what I am
going to write the following day and get on with it as soon as I wake up,
whatever time that might be: Not allow the feedback to take hold. I do have
plenty of ideas sketched out for articles and short stories, but there’s
something self destructive and rebellious that doesn’t want to get to work on
these and instead leaves them lying around my subconscious, contributing to the
anxiety, the writer’s block, or whatever you call it. Time to grasp the nettle.
It’ll be fine. Like the
tiredness that comes from performing breathing exercises every day, this
lethargy will pass. This is why most writers become alcoholics or addicted to speed.
I’ve never taken the latter and I don’t much care for the former. I’ll stick to
the breathing exercises and long walks in the woods if you don’t mind.
Please do not adjust your set.
Normal service will resume shortly.
Get it done.
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